Stress Buster Radio with Dave Dodge: Happy Valentine’s Day! Special Show for Couple’s – Method of the Month – Imago Relationship (Couple's) Therapy.
02/14/2017 01:00 pm PST
The Couple that Works on their Issues Together Stays Happy Together. In my therapy Practice I use a couple's therapy method called Imago Relationship Therapy, a therapy that was created for couples by Harville Hendrix, Phd., and his wife, Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt over 25 years ago. The rather famous book written on the subject is the best seller called, "Getting the Love You Want". I was trained in this method a number of years ago and find it to be very helpful with both couples as well as individuals who come in having problems with their spouse.
One of the main tenets in this model of therapy is that when we get attracted to someone and end up with them being our boyfriend, girlfriend, partner or spouse, we are initially attracted to the positive and negative characteristics of our parents. As it says on the IRT website, "The term Imago is Latin for “image,”and refers to the “unconscious image of familiar love.” Simply put, there is often a connection between the frustrations experienced in adult relationships and early childhood experiences. For example: If you frequently felt criticized as a child, you will likely be sensitive to any criticism from, and feel criticized often by your partner. Likewise, if you felt abandoned, smothered, neglected, etc., these feelings will come up in your marriage/committed relationships.
Most people face only a few of these “core issues,” but they typically arise again and again within partnerships. This can overshadow all that is good in the relationship, leaving people to wonder if they have chosen the right mate. So here is the good news: When you can understand each other’s feelings and “childhood wounds” more empathically, you can begin to heal yourself and your relationship, and move toward a more conscious relationship."
So, that's what we're going to be talking about during this show, how we push each others "buttons" (our "childhood wounds") in our relationships, causing the problems and dysfunction in our relationships. We are going to talk about where these "buttons" come from, and how we can help each other work with and release these "buttons", helping each of you move from blame and reactivity to understanding and empathy. With the Imago "Couple's Dialogue" process, you can transform conflicts into opportunities for healing and growth, and connect more deeply and lovingly with your partner. (Please go to www.StressBusterRadio.com, click on "Information Handouts" and download copies of the "Couple's Dialogue" along with "Positive and Negative Characteristics of Parents chart" and "Positive and Negative Characteristics of Partner chart" so you can participate in the process of this show).
Method of the Month – Imago Relationship (Couple’s) Therapy
Words of Wisdom for this Month – (we have a number of Words of Wisdom this month)
"We are attracted to the positive and negative characteristics of our parents when choosing our partners in life".
“Your Partner has the Blueprint for Your Growth/Healing”. When your “buttons” (your “childhood wounds”) get pushed by your partner, these are the issues you need to work on to resolve/release through your individual hard work and your partner’s support.
The words "Listen" and "Silent" have the exact same letters in them (this can't be a coincidence).
"When you find yourself reacting with anger or violence to any person, situation, or circumstance –recognize you struggle only against yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself". Deepak Chopra, M.D.
Episode giveaways: Handouts will be provided for the Imago Relationship Therapy's "Couple's Dialogue", which is a very effective way of learning how to communicate with your partner, as long as you don't get defensive and simply listen (remembering that "listen" and "silent" have the exact same letters in them - that can't be a coincidence). And, you will also have at your disposal, different charts you can download so you can figure out what those positive and negative characteristics that your parents had that you are attracted to in your partner. Very useful information if you want to make your relationship better and/or maintain a healthy relationship over time.